I’m Not Doing This For Me

stage_fright11

The Daily Post is asking: When Will I Be Loved? Have you dreamt of becoming famous? What would your claim to fame be? Comedy? Acting? Writing? Race car driving? Go!

Like the title of my post says: I’m not doing this for me.

I wouldn’t classify myself as painfully shy, but I do suffer from stage fright.  I do not like being in the spotlight by any means.  When I finally decided that I had an actual shot at becoming a published author – that this didn’t have to be just a hobby – I was excited.  I started researching the process day and night.  Stories were flowing from my fingertips as steadily as magic flowed from Master Cid’s wand.  It was a high.  I was super-hyped.

Then my best friend, who knows me so well, asked “What are you going to do when you’re famous and people want to see you at book signings and writing conventions?”

It was like a bucket of cold water to my face.  My high fizzled.  “What?” I asked.

Kid you not, I stopped writing.  For a long time, I simply lost the drive for it.  I finally confessed to a good friend of mine, who’s also been a mother-figure in my life since I was 9 years old, “I’m not afraid of failure, mom.  I’m afraid of success.  I wouldn’t know the first thing about standing in front of a crowd and answering questions, I’ll be the laughing stock of the literary community.  I can’t even explain my writing process to you, let alone a room full of strangers!”

spotlight302x380As anyone who’s been following this post knows, though, I eventually picked the pen up again and my dreams of getting published came true.  And I keep writing for one, very simple reason.  I have to.  I can’t imagine that all of these stories take shape in my brain for no reason.  They need someone to give them life, voice and color.  I may not want the responsibilities attached to achieving fame, would rather not have them at all – but I want the fame for my stories.  I want my books to be famous, for that I cannot lie.  If only I could manifest my characters into flesh to do all of the limelighting for me, I would have no qualms whatsoever with success.

For my books, I would do it, though – and that’s what it really boils down to.  What are you willing to do to achieve your dreams, even if they’re not for yourself, per se?  I will keep writing, because the stories keep forming, and I will do everything in my power to help advertise them, because if only one other reader out there likes my book, I’m a success to my way of thinking – but fame… Fame is quite a LARGE assumption in a world filled with so many remarkable writers. (And I’m secretly okay with that.)

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One thought on “I’m Not Doing This For Me

  1. Pingback: Daily Prompt: When Will I Be Loved? | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

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