Welcome to Earth


Now get yer shit and get out!

What?  That’s what Walter would say.  Okay, fine, I’ll play along.  The Daily Prompt is asking: The friendly, English-speaking extraterrestrial you run into outside your house is asking you to recommend the one book, movie, or song that explains what humans are all about. What do you pick?

First off, what in the hell is the alien doing outside of my house?  That’s a little creepy stalkerish.  Secondly, I’m a little offended that anyone could believe that we highly complex, multifaceted beings can be summed up in just ONE book, song or movie.  That’s ludicrous.  Lastly, how do you know it’s really friendly?  Since I’m not so sure how good any of the Non-Terrestrial races are at poker, I’ve devised a list according to a few different possibilities:

97804154097801. Assuming the Daily Prompt Gurus have secret intel I do not, and the NT really is like the loveable ET I grew up watching Drew Barrymore overdose with Pepsi, I would suggest that they never read anything ever written by Oscar Wilde (he really liked to point out the worst parts of humanity, albeit brilliantly) and maybe, instead, settle for some kind of anthropological encyclopedia on the history of human cultures.  I’m sure there’s one out there somewhere.

Oh, hey look, I was right… imagine that.

IndependenceDay-victory-cigar2. Assuming the NT has shady motives, I would suggest they watch Independence Day or any other movie that shows that we will not go quietly into the night… or day, for that matter… and when pushed, we shoot back and never spare on the snarky trash-talkin’ in the process!

You mad-doggin’ me?


3. Now there is another possible scenario here, one that I’ve not only read about, but have written about – and that’s that the alien is really a member of a super-hot race of humanoid, drop-dead gorgeous NT’s whose sole purpose is to bring Earthlings the secrets of untold pleasure and knowledge on how to advance into more – ahem – enlightened beings; in which case I have a whole list of songs they should come right on in and listen to, starting with “ET” by Katy Perry and Kanye West…

Mm-hmm.  Neked.

One thought on “Welcome to Earth

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