Yes, 12. It’s the second movie so we have to add 2 to the previous 10, right? Good enough, just go with it…Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve only ever seen the “Super Duper” extended cut on Blu-Ray, so you might be missing some unimportant, yet hilarious scenes! It’s time for another round with our favorite Merc With A Mouth, so here is that handy-dandy warning I stole from the first movie’s post…
Warning: This post is about Deadpool. Take everything you know to be inappropriate and multiply it by the number of pock marks in Wade Wilson’s face.
Okay, moving on. The top 12 things I learned from watching Deadpool 2 are:
The 4 other senses will NOT get heightened after blindness if you have a previous cocaine addiction, which means you should probably not own any lethal weapons or shack up with an anti-hero who takes pleasure in tormenting you. Unless your plan is to give him the best pep talk in cinematic history that leads to him making several attempts on his own life after consuming your entire hidden stash of cocaine. On second thought, I think this one is just: Don’t do cocaine.
#11: Be modest. You can have a blockbuster hit without anyone knowing it has an ALL-STAR cast. Viewers, keep your eyes peeled for these surprise cameos and roles: Bill Skarsgard, Brad Pitt, Terry Crews, Rob Delaney, Matt Damon, James MacAvoy (Professor X), Nicholas Hoult (Beast), Evan Peters (Quicksilver), Tye Sheridan (Cyclops), Alexandra Shipp (Storm), Kodi Smit-McPhee (Nightcrawler) and of course, Stan Lee’s giant picture on the side of a building. Post credit cameos are Hugh Jackman (not really), Ryan Reynolds, Deadpool (not a typo) and baby Adolf Hitler – okay, fine that one doesn’t count.
#10: Foreshadowing can be an important tool. Especially when the punchline is delivered in the very next scene! (p.s. washing your hands isn’t always as sanitary as you think.)
#9: Always tip your cabdriver. You never know when they’re going to make the world a better place.
#8: Prison Wallet. And now I can’t unlearn it. I really, really want to unlearn it.
#7: Meta is Betta. When you’re a character who is fully aware of the fact that you’re a character in a superhero universe, you don’t just get to continuously break the 4th wall, but reference other superheroes, universes, character’s other roles and movies so frequently its makes up 60% of your dialogue. Try counting them all when you watch the movie! Now, which of you gets this reference?
#6: There is a 5th wall. It’s called the opening credits, and it can be broken by editing them to read like the collective voice of the audience – which is even funnier than using them to make fun of your previous film failures.
#5: It’s all about atmosphere. No one can argue that music makes work more enjoyable, so make sure you’ve got your Dolly Parton and Enya tracks handy for those really tough days.
#4: Follow-through is key. Continuing references and jokes made in the first movie by actually acting them out in the second should be another industry standard. Especially, backing up the threats you make on your own lives.
#3: Canadians stick together. That’s why Celine Dion is singing the opening theme song for Deadpool 2… it certainly has nothing to do with the multi-billion dollar success of the first film, that’s purely coincidental.
#2: Timing is everything. A laugh mid-sentence can be funnier than any punchline. Ever.
#1: Keep your options open. You can pretty much go in any direction with a plot, when your opening line is “Fuck Wolverine.”
And there you have it, friends – all of the important things we should take away from this culturally significant film. A couple bonus items I’d like to add:
Bonus 1: When filming movie trailers, make sure to include super stars you insulted in the movie. Trust me, it works. 😉
Bonus 2: A picture may be worth a thousand words, but nothing beats the real thing.
And now your life is complete. You’re welcome. 🙂
Not-so-little fineprint: I took these pictures, GIFs and videos off the internet without any intention of infringing upon anyone’s copyrights, so if you’d like me to take them down just ask and I will do so immediately. Thanks!