I love watching the slow escalation of Facebook’s need for attention. I’ll purposely go without posting anything just to see how their emails and notifications progress from “hey, whatcha doin’?” to the point where if Facebook were a person, I’d be getting a restraining order. I opened my inbox this morning to no less than 6 consecutive email notifications from them, either promising a discount to boost my posts or highlighting all the things my friends are doing that I’m missing out on.
Listen up, Facebook, if I want you, I’ll use you. Take a hint. Maybe I don’t like the fact that you’re like that one friend who can never keep a secret. Maybe I don’t like everyone in the world knowing what day and time I wiped my… nose…because you keep an actual timeline. We have words for entities like you, Facebook. Attention Whore. Stalker. Busybody.
MAD TV even had a skit about you, Facebook. Stuart and his “Look at what I can do” moments of needing attention. And that’s all you’re doing, flailing your limbs about in the most obnoxious way possible while trying to get me to spend a ridiculous amount of money on posts – posts! They’re not even ads, they’re just posts! C’mon, be real.
And, as if Facebook’s greed for the spotlight (and unearned cash) weren’t bad enough, they also seem to think they can get results by escalating from helpful suggestions to downright orders. They start off all, “hey, your friends haven’t heard from you in awhile” to “A.C., create a post for people visiting your page.”
Hey FB, don’t tell me what the eff to do and please, find a different hobby. You should be putting yourself in FB Jail for so many crimes, I can’t even list them all, but let’s just settle for harassment and spam abuse, even if it’s mildly entertaining to ignore the hell out of you.
♥ p.s. This is not a rant – and yes, I’m aware that it’s my choice to have a Facebook page. This was done for humor and entertainment purposes only, because I know for a fact I’m not the only one who feels this way about the necessary evil that is FB. So…Happy Hump Day! 😀