Top 12 Things I Learned From Watching Deadpool 2

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Yes, 12. It’s the second movie so we have to add 2 to the previous 10, right? Good enough, just go with it…Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve only ever seen the “Super Duper” extended cut on Blu-Ray, so you might be missing some unimportant, yet hilarious scenes! It’s time for another round with our favorite Merc With A Mouth, so here is that handy-dandy warning I stole from the first movie’s post…

Warning: This post is about Deadpool. Take everything you know to be inappropriate and multiply it by the number of pock marks in Wade Wilson’s face.

Okay, moving on. The top 12 things I learned from watching Deadpool 2 are:

#12: The 4 other senses will NOT get heightened after blindness if you have a previous cocaine addiction, which means you should probably not own any lethal weapons or shack up with an anti-hero who takes pleasure in tormenting you. Unless your plan is to give him the best pep talk in cinematic history that leads to him making several attempts on his own life after consuming your entire hidden stash of cocaine. On second thought, I think this one is just: Don’t do cocaine.

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#11: Be modest. You can have a blockbuster hit without anyone knowing it has an ALL-STAR cast. Viewers, keep your eyes peeled for these surprise cameos and roles: Bill Skarsgard, Brad Pitt, Terry Crews, Rob Delaney, Matt Damon, James MacAvoy (Professor X), Nicholas Hoult (Beast), Evan Peters (Quicksilver), Tye Sheridan (Cyclops), Alexandra Shipp (Storm), Kodi Smit-McPhee (Nightcrawler) and of course, Stan Lee’s giant picture on the side of a building. Post credit cameos are Hugh Jackman (not really), Ryan Reynolds, Deadpool (not a typo) and baby Adolf Hitler – okay, fine that one doesn’t count.

#10: Foreshadowing can be an important tool. Especially when the punchline is delivered in the very next scene! (p.s. washing your hands isn’t always as sanitary as you think.)

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#9: Always tip your cabdriver. You never know when they’re going to make the world a better place.

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#8: Prison Wallet. And now I can’t unlearn it. I really, really want to unlearn it.

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#7: Meta is Betta. When you’re a character who is fully aware of the fact that you’re a character in a superhero universe, you don’t just get to continuously break the 4th wall, but reference other superheroes, universes, character’s other roles and movies so frequently its makes up 60% of your dialogue. Try counting them all when you watch the movie! Now, which of you gets this reference?

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#6: There is a 5th wall. It’s called the opening credits, and it can be broken by editing them to read like the collective voice of the audience – which is even funnier than using them to make fun of your previous film failures.

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#5: It’s all about atmosphere. No one can argue that music makes work more enjoyable, so make sure you’ve got your Dolly Parton and Enya tracks handy for those really tough days.

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#4: Follow-through is key. Continuing references and jokes made in the first movie by actually acting them out in the second should be another industry standard. Especially, backing up the threats you make on your own lives.

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#3: Canadians stick together. That’s why Celine Dion is singing the opening theme song for Deadpool 2… it certainly has nothing to do with the multi-billion dollar success of the first film, that’s purely coincidental.

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#2: Timing is everything. A laugh mid-sentence can be funnier than any punchline. Ever.

#1: Keep your options open. You can pretty much go in any direction with a plot, when your opening line is “Fuck Wolverine.”

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And there you have it, friends – all of the important things we should take away from this culturally significant film. A couple bonus items I’d like to add:

Bonus 1: When filming movie trailers, make sure to include super stars you insulted in the movie. Trust me, it works. 😉

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Bonus 2: A picture may be worth a thousand words, but nothing beats the real thing.

And now your life is complete. You’re welcome. 🙂

Not-so-little fineprint: I took these pictures, GIFs and videos off the internet without any intention of infringing upon anyone’s copyrights, so if you’d like me to take them down just ask and I will do so immediately. Thanks!

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#RocktoberMusicFest ♪ “Nothing Else Matters” – Metallica

I usually say I’m the daughter of a musician, because my dad can play different instruments – BUT – first and foremost, I’m the daughter of a guitarist. Acoustic, electric, steel, ukulele, banjo, dad can jam on just about anything with strings.

You have to watch him at family BBQ’s, though. This is where he likes to sneak the banjo out and pick the creepy chords from Deliverance.

“Daaaaaaaaaad…”
“Oh c’mon, it’s funny.”
“You’re scaring the neighbors.”
“I know, that’s why it’s funny.”

Yep, my twisted sense of humor is all natural, folks, what can I say? 😉

And my dad’s one of those musicians who can play by ear, too, the brat. He doesn’t need sheet music like the rest of us. Growing up with the sound of live guitar music definitely influenced my love for the instrument and there are certain songs where the guitar will instantly cut right through the fabric of my reality, put me in a trance and I’m a slave to it for life. It will always have that power over me, even years later.

Metallica is known for their guitar rifts and intros, it’s one of their trademarks, so it’s not easy to pick a song that demonstrates that better than the rest. And I know, I totally picked a “girly” song from the lot, but you just stick around and I’ll show you some real girly metal [insert evil grin here]. This is my Metallica Guitar Song, the one that did me in from the first note. (Fade to Black is a very close second.) Enjoy!

Man, I totally forgot how bad I used to crush on Lars back in the day…*sigh*

I do not own any rights to this song, lyrics or video. All rights remain with the artists and their respective agents. No copyright infringement intended.

♫♪ Rocktober Musicfest is hosted by Mary B. at Jingle, Jangle, Jungle. Check out her website if you’d like to join the event. There’s no restriction against joining after October 1st or limit/requirement to how many times you have to post for the month. It’s really easy and fun! ♪♫

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Dragons: How to Train Your Human

Like the title? Two purposes, 1: no getting sued by DreamWorks and 2: It really turns out to be this way.  I know, what is she going on about? Allow me to explain…

Some of you already know that my long absence has been due to what I thought was Tendinitis in both my hands. Turns out, I only have that in my left hand. The problem with my right hand is carpel tunnel…yay, I’m an overachiever. 😐 Okay, so after moping around for way longer than necessary awhile and getting completely abandoned by my muse, I broke down and bought the Dragon NaturallySpeaking software. And I don’t love it…no, I really don’t.

However, it has enabled me to keep my day job and after finally realizing that my Dragon has been training me all this time and not the other way around, my muse has actually decided to return (though, now that I’ve outed her, she might just take off again, because that’s the kind of floozy she is). Anyway, for any of you who’ve ever considered trying the Dragon software or wondered how it works exactly, I’m here to give you a not-so-quick rundown…awww, you know you missed me.

Warning: Personal Opinion Ahead

It sucks. Don’t waste your money. If your hands aren’t broken, use them. Dragon should only be a “desperate times call for desperate measures” option. The only way Dragon will ever be more efficient and faster than typing, is if you can speak as clearly and enunciate as precisely as Siri 100% of the time and never fluctuate in tone, pronunciation, or especially background noise. In fact, don’t even turn that fan on, I don’t care if you’re dripping sweat, it will make Dragon dictate as if you’re talking with a mouthful of cheesey-puffs. Oh, and I hope you have a totally stocked gaming computer that runs everything at lightning speeds and glitch-free.

On a more technical note…

Dragon is designed to be completely personalized to an individual. After each time you use it, the software updates your “profile” before shutting down completely, which enables it to remember the way you speak, so it can be more efficient and accurate the next time you use it. I’ll admit, it does eventually begin to show signs of adaption. Just whatever you do, don’t leave the program running over night to save time the next day – I know it takes forever to open and wake up and actually respond – but the longer it runs, even while not being used, the glitchier and boggier it gets. Also, you have to conduct a microphone adjustment every time you fire that bad boy up, even if you’re going to be using it in the same room, with the same background noise, every single day.

In the software’s defense, because I am not completely unreasonable, the above glitchy, boggy issues could also just be my laptop and the fact that it’s not exactly new…or even remotely recent.

Wait, why doesn’t this post have any photos? One purpose: Not getting sued by Nuance Communications

Who’s Training Who?

This is the tricky part. At first, you think that you’re training your Dragon to learn how you speak; your pace, your cadence, etc. which means you have to be careful to try to speak the same way all the time. You can’t approach it with “before coffee speech” one day and then the next day be like “I just snorted a pound of cocaine” speech. (Note: Neither this site nor its author encourages, endorses or engages in the act of snorting cocaine…or ever trying to speak before consuming coffee. Just say no.)

In truth, Dragon is like that kid who sleeps through half their classes, all the while turning you into a person who speaks punctuation marks out loud as if it’s normal. In order to get Dragon to type this exact sentence: “See Dick run. See Jane point and laugh! Did you see Spot pee on the neighbor’s leg?” you have to literally say:

Open quote see Dick run period see Jane point and laugh exclamation mark did you see Spot pee on the neighbor’s leg question mark close quote capitalize dick capitalize spot

The hardest punctuation mark of all time to remember to say aloud is “comma” – oh and hyphen. But tell me, authors: when you’re completely submerged in your own world and dictating what’s happening in any given scene between your characters, are you honestly going to remember to say COMMA? No, you’re just going to naturally pause in speech, the way you would if you were on stage. Nothing yanks you out of your creative flow faster than having to remember to talk punctuation marks! Open parenthesis, close parenthesis, semicolon, colon, oh shit how the hell do I explain an em-dash without it actually typing M dash?

And I get it, these are things you can always correct in editing. The first draft is always a heaping pile of “wtf was I thinking?” anyway – Soooo, I tried to keep that in mind and just go with the flow, only to find out that if I talk at even my normal pace, which is slightly closer to the lack of coffee than OD’ng on coke, Dragon will only type the last portion of my sentence. Or maybe the first two words and then the last part – regardless, it misses entire sections of my sentences.

I spend more time either correcting what Dragon thought I said or waiting for the words to finally appear on the document, so I can make sure Dragon caught it all. And just FYI, Dragon does not like curse words–AT ALL–no matter how many times you use the same one, on the same page, or in Zoe’s case, in the same run of dialogue, these are the handful of words it will never actually “save” with your profile. You cannot teach your Dragon to swear the way you taught your parrot…you know who you are.

Hands-Free Editing

There are built-in verbal commands you can give Dragon, which are supposed to enable you to make corrections without having to type. If you notice it dictated the wrong word, let’s say “Buck” for instance, you can say “Select buck” and it will pop open a box of word options you might have meant, which are numbered. You would then say “Choose one” or whichever number offers the correct option. I promise you, none of the options for “buck” will ever start with an F. So, if you don’t see your choice, then you would say “Spell that” at which time a different box opens that allows you to spell out the word you really wanted to say.

Here’s where I run into more problems. If I want the word capitalized, I’m supposed to be able to say “Captial F” then spell out the rest of the word. It’s always about a 70/30 chance that it’s going to add an L or an O to the beginning of my word, because it’s picking up those sounds from the word ‘capital’ no matter how fast or slow I say it – also, on most days, the “choose” feature never works in this particular box, so I have to select my choice with the mouse and hit enter, otherwise it tries to add numbers like ‘201’ to the end of the word I spelled out, rather than accepting the command “choose one”, rendering it a not so hands-free feature.

Get What You Pay For

When I started shopping around for the software, I reviewed the different options and decided to pass on the cheaper “basic” version for the newest “premium” edition, because it comes with a feature that allows you to add your own words to the software’s vocabulary. Ideal for an author, right? Well, along with the program, I also bought a recommended book written by a supposed Dragon expert, and I’ll admit, it did help me with my initial introduction to the software and getting it all set up – BUT – according to the author, I wasted my money for this “personalized vocabulary” feature, because Dragon will still never get it. In fact, they suggest that authors supplement their character’s names with simpler ones like “Dick and Jane” and then just do a “Find and Replace” during editing, because apparently they’ve never written fiction, or understand the whole concept of creative flow and the many things that can throw a wrench in it, like having to call your character by a name that is not theirs…

Thanks for looking out, hindsight dude who will never be useful in any situation beyond a “getting started” tutorial.

Then, after about a month of fighting with this newer, better version I stupidly paid extra money for – I started it up one day, and a notice popped up on my screen stating that Nuance was discontinuing the Premium 13 edition of Dragon NaturallySpeaking and that I had to act soon in order to get the newest (15) version for only $99. Eff you, man, I just paid that much for the 13! Like just – and now you’re telling me that you’re no longer going to be offering any updates or customer support for it? WTF?

Bottom Line

If you don’t already have and absolutely love Dragon NaturallySpeaking, you can either refer back to my personal opinion (which, I sincerely recommend) or buy it anyway, but definitely not the Premium 13 edition – and, you know – try it out. I hope you have absolutely no problems with it, and you leave that in the comments below and brag about how much time it saves you, how much your daily word count has increased and that you really do think I just need a new laptop and possibly a better headset.

(No, seriously, I’ll take any excuse to buy a new laptop). 😉

It’s Hexed (Hell on Earth 4). That’s what my muse returned for. I wasn’t going to mention being back to work on a WIP and then not tell you which one, honest. 😀 And if all goes as great as it has been, I hope to have it off to the editor before the end of the year.

Dragon be willin’ and the creek don’t rise…

Tootles!

#ThrowbackThursday

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WISTFUL

 Stars aloft

Stars alight

I wish all day

I dream all night

To kill that bastard

Oh, delight!

To kill him dead, just for spite.

⚔️ ~

Originally posted February 14, 2014

Was that my ode to Valentines day? Your guess is as good as mine, I can barely recall my motives from five minutes ago, let alone 3 years. LOL However, anyone who’s ever attempted to play Alice: Madness Returns can surely feel my homicidal pain. I still haven’t beaten that game!

#WIP Invasion

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image source: etsy.com

Can we talk for a moment, writer to writer?

Lookit, I can’t be the only one who’ll be happily plugging away at a highly anticipated novel (that’s code for it’s way overdue and readers are jumping ship by the hordes. *snort* You actually thought I had hordes of readers? Awww, that’s sweet) – and all the sudden a NEW book decides to just plop its big, bony ass right down on top of everything else with no intention of moving. A massive blob of scenes and backstory, brooding hunks, damsels in defiance, whips, chains and garden hoses (don’t ask), all reminding me that I have absolutely no willpower!

I’m not alone, right?

How do you deal with this kind of situation? Do you:

a). Ignore the new story until you’re done with the first one, because you’ve got discipline and the memory of an elephant?

b). Take the detour just long enough to frantically jot down everything you can for the new story, because your discipline’s flexible, but your memory’s a toss?

Or

c). Attempt the juggling routine, because you’re fairly sure the 100th time is the charm?

I made the mistake of thinking I could pull off a combination of options b & c….1 week later… Update: Scavenger (Dark Day Isle, Book 2) will be delayed, yet again. I’m sorry. Please refer to the part where I have no willpower.

How many #WIPs are you working on and what’s your favorite strategy for those invading new ideas?

Top 10 Things I Learned From Watching Deadpool

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OMG, I’m FREE… for now. Just wrapped up excessive copy editing, so I’m looking forward to getting back to actually writing and Camp NaNo starting on Saturday! To celebrate, I’m going crazy fun with this post – which means, it’s not for kids. In fact, it’s not even for most adults, so here’s that pesky advisory thingy:

Warning: This post is about Deadpool. Take everything you know to be inappropriate and multiply it by the number of pock marks in Wade Wilson’s face.

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Top 10 Things I Learned From Watching Deadpool

#10: Unicorns are sexy. Just look at that phallic shaped growth standing fully erect in the center of their foreheads… Wade couldn’t keep his eyes off it. Wonder if he was thinking about Spidey…? Awwww, the one-sided bromance lives on.

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#9: Despite being trapped for an entire fight sequence in the same machine that rendered Wade Wilson “unf**kable” in a matter of seconds, Vanessa never even gets so much as a zit. Apparently, it only works on men’s skin. Maybe they should moisturize more often?

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#8: Masks that convey facial expressions should be the new industry standard.

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#7: Giant superheroes comprised of indestructible metal with a voice like the Terminator, can, indeed, have their man cards revoked.

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#6: Rigor Mortis is instantaneous when handcuffs are involved.

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#5: You can actually pay for a cab ride with high-five’s, multiple times, as long as you first give the driver the worst relationship advice possible that ends in an accidental fatality. Otherwise, they bill you later.

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#4: Negasonic Teenage Warhead is the absolute number one, record-breaking, top of the charts superhero name EVER invented and the person responsible should be promoted to the top of the Fantastic 4 franchise, because they’re now the only one’s who have the cool-power to possibly redeem what little respectable face Fox studios managed to leave our poor superheros after defiling them with their…Foxfuckidness.

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#3: Best friends can be royal dicks.

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#2: Knowing how to spell is crucial to every punchline.

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#1: “O, Canada!” can be conveniently turned into a swear word when one is in pain, and would simultaneously offend an entire nation, if it hadn’t in fact been issued by a Canadian actor portraying a Canadian character. Nice save, Ryan!

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Ooh, speaking of America vs. Canada – Given all we know about our own stereotypes – you know, how Canadians are super nice and Americans are like that one kid you never want your kids to play with… Why is it that we have someone like Captain America and they get Deadpool? Is this the mysterious balance in the Force Yoda’s always going on about?

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Whew! That was a lot of pent up inappropriateness… guess it’s time to write another Hell on Earth novella! 😀

Not-so-little fineprint: I took these pictures off the internet without any intention of infringing upon anyone’s copyrights, so if you’d like me to take them down just ask and I will do so immediately. Thanks!

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You Just Never Know…

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This meme is being used solely for the purpose of showing why “Judging By Appearance” is totally off-base. Not intended to offend anyone.

I went to the salon last night and got my hair done – FINALLY! It was so over due. Nothing feels better than walking out of the salon after spending an hour or so getting put back together again. I didn’t even do anything different or wild, just a trim and re-color (you know to cover all the damage from having teenagers), but man do I feel 100% better.

I refuse to go anywhere else than my normal beautician – I think we can all agree, when you find “The One” – you will travel miles to get to them! Yes, I’m still talking about my stylist. 😛 Which just happens to be in the same town my mom and sister live in, so I had to stop by and show off the do.

My sister and I have the same problem. We can’t just get our hair dyed on a whim. We have to make sure the dye isn’t red based. We have natural red highlights that our hair will amplify to the millionth degree and it isn’t pretty or flattering. That became the topic of our conversation when she asked exactly which color brown I had gotten (warm chocolate) which my hair still gives an appropriate amount of red tint to.

“Thank you Grandma Doris!” We both exclaimed. Grandma was a natural born redhead and even though that gene skipped our dad, we’ve been struggling with the mild side-affects for years!

I know how odd our family’s appearances are based on the dominant ethnic groups we descend from. I’m not sure what people think when they see me, or if they give any thought to it all. We’re all Heinz 57’s. But I had someone who ‘just knew’ I was of Hispanic descent, because of my dark hair/eyes and slightly tan (olive?) complexion. My sister has the same dark coloring, but she is fair skinned. I wasn’t offended, but we’re not of Hispanic or Latin descent, so I corrected them… kinda.

“It’s Native American.”

This isn’t a lie, nor the most honest explanation, it’s just the easiest without going into a long, drawn-out genealogical report. People have no qualms accepting my Native American heritage, because of my appearance. But, I didn’t get my coloring from my father, who is the one that carries the Native American bloodline.

My dad has dirty-blonde hair and blue eyes, even though he tans darker than me in the summer. His dad also had blue eyes, but before that:

 

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My dad’s grandfather (L) and great uncle (R)

See, my dad’s mom was the naturally born redhead, Grandma Doris. But she’s not the Irish bloodline, she’s from a strong English descent. I know, English redheads are just as common, so that’s not really odd. Try explaining your Native American dad having blond hair and blue eyes because of his English mother, though… see how this is becoming complicated?

Then where the heck does all of this dark hair and eyes come from? My mom. Who is 90% Irish and 10% English. Her father was from a long line of ‘Black Irish’ (dark hair/eyed Irish) from Tynagh, County Galway. Though her mother was also half Irish, she had blond hair and blue eyes. My mother, on the other hand, only took after her father and his entire family with dark brown hair, pure brown eyes and fair complexion. My grandpa’s family has very strong genes!

In essence, even though people wholeheartedly accept my Native American heritage based off how I look, the only thing I really have to show for it, is my slightly tanner than normal complexion. Otherwise, my sister and I both have dark hair, and dark eyes – all thanks to our very Irish mother.

So, when you see that doe-eyed brunette out on St. Paddy’s day wearing the “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” t-shirt, don’t look at her like she’s crazy – she is: Black Irish crazy. Best to just give her a smooch than push your luck! 🍀 😉

Oh, and I guess the moral of this story is don’t judge a book by it’s fabulous, multi-heritage cover, because you just never know…

🍀 This blog post is approved as appropriate for March, if nothing else. 🍀