Top 10 Things I Learned From Watching Deadpool

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OMG, I’m FREE… for now. Just wrapped up excessive copy editing, so I’m looking forward to getting back to actually writing and Camp NaNo starting on Saturday! To celebrate, I’m going crazy fun with this post – which means, it’s not for kids. In fact, it’s not even for most adults, so here’s that pesky advisory thingy:

Warning: This post is about Deadpool. Take everything you know to be inappropriate and multiply it by the number of pock marks in Wade Wilson’s face.

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Top 10 Things I Learned From Watching Deadpool

#10: Unicorns are sexy. Just look at that phallic shaped growth standing fully erect in the center of their foreheads… Wade couldn’t keep his eyes off it. Wonder if he was thinking about Spidey…? Awwww, the one-sided bromance lives on.

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#9: Despite being trapped for an entire fight sequence in the same machine that rendered Wade Wilson “unf**kable” in a matter of seconds, Vanessa never even gets so much as a zit. Apparently, it only works on men’s skin. Maybe they should moisturize more often?

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#8: Masks that convey facial expressions should be the new industry standard.

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#7: Giant superheroes comprised of indestructible metal with a voice like the Terminator, can, indeed, have their man cards revoked.

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#6: Rigor Mortis is instantaneous when handcuffs are involved.

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#5: You can actually pay for a cab ride with high-five’s, multiple times, as long as you first give the driver the worst relationship advice possible that ends in an accidental fatality. Otherwise, they bill you later.

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#4: Negasonic Teenage Warhead is the absolute number one, record-breaking, top of the charts superhero name EVER invented and the person responsible should be promoted to the top of the Fantastic 4 franchise, because they’re now the only one’s who have the cool-power to possibly redeem what little respectable face Fox studios managed to leave our poor superheros after defiling them with their…Foxfuckidness.

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#3: Best friends can be royal dicks.

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#2: Knowing how to spell is crucial to every punchline.

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#1: “O, Canada!” can be conveniently turned into a swear word when one is in pain, and would simultaneously offend an entire nation, if it hadn’t in fact been issued by a Canadian actor portraying a Canadian character. Nice save, Ryan!

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Ooh, speaking of America vs. Canada – Given all we know about our own stereotypes – you know, how Canadians are super nice and Americans are like that one kid you never want your kids to play with… Why is it that we have someone like Captain America and they get Deadpool? Is this the mysterious balance in the Force Yoda’s always going on about?

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Whew! That was a lot of pent up inappropriateness… guess it’s time to write another Hell on Earth novella! 😀

Not-so-little fineprint: I took these pictures off the internet without any intention of infringing upon anyone’s copyrights, so if you’d like me to take them down just ask and I will do so immediately. Thanks!

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#TacoTuesday

And we’re back for week 4 of building our book tacos. Check out the original post HERE for what this is all about and how you can join in. Remember, it’s never too late, just leave a pingback in the comments so I can read your post! Now, for the next layer…

Writing Menu

Cheese: Share a scene where one of your characters interacts with some kind of camera, photograph or video for any reason. If there are none, then share one of their funniest moments or dialogue pieces.

Pulling his classic beauty into the parking lot of Shades Soirée, Matt eyed the modern building with scrutiny. “Looks high end,” he remarked, as they climbed out. “Not very busy, though.”

He counted a total of five cars on their way to the entrance, which was locked.

“Nightclub only,” Zach tapped the smoky glass to the left of the doors displaying the club’s hours of operation.

“We only need to talk to staff right now, anyway.”

They found the service entrance for deliveries around the left side of the building and pressed the call button.

“Yeah?” A male voice crackled over the intercom a second later.

“MCPD, is there a manager on site?” Matt asked.

Silence followed. Zach elbowed him and thrust his chin upward. “Smile.”

Matt pulled his badge off his belt and stuck it right into the camera lens. “Cheese.”

~ Shades Soirée (Matron City Trilogy #2)

Readers Menu

Cheese: Name a favorite book/series that had to do with photography, acting, reporting or any other camera-related theme – OR – where the humor was so off the charts you found yourself ‘cheesing’ through 90% of it.

CoverNakedInDeathJDRobbI either can’t recall or have never actually read a book where the main character or theme dealt with cameras. However, one of my favorite series, the In Death series by J.D. Robb (aka Nora Roberts) has a sub-character who makes an appearance or two in almost every book, because she’s the only reporter the main character, Eve Dallas, trusts. Not only is Nadine Furst a memorable supporting character, her and Eve’s banter is always humorous, so I think that qualifies.

If you haven’t ventured into Nora Roberts’ alter ego, J.D. Robb, with her In Death series, I highly recommend it. You get the same amazing writing style she’s known for with a lot more edge, steamier sex scenes and a full cast of characters you’ll fall head over heels for. If you like crime novels, murder mysteries and endless snarky banter, these are definitely books for you. Although each novel is a stand alone, and each homicide case is different, I highly recommend starting from the beginning with Naked In Death, because the series deals with the same characters, whose lives and relationships continue to evolve with each new book.

Don’t forget – If you’re reading this, you’re officially tagged!

 

Next week’s ingredient: Lettuce!

Lettuce for the writer: Anytime money was used, stolen, given, exchanged or was otherwise the main topic of conversation in a significant way.

Lettuce for the reader: Share a favorite book/series where money played a significant role in dialogue, the story line, or was used as a thrilling plot twist. (The more unique the situation, the bigger the cool points).

Life After? Blogs…

 

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It’s strange to think about how quickly the PC has advanced in such a short time.  I remember writing everything by hand, waiting for the mailman, reading paperback novels and visiting with my friends face-to-face.

We weren’t allowed to leave the house without a quarter in our pocket for a payphone, in case of an emergency.

I used to spend days and nights with my nose in a book, or frantically scribbling away in one of the thousands of notebooks still stored in a Rubbermaid container.  We had a Brother Word Processor once, it was like the next best thing to sliced bread, because you could switch out the ‘font’ wheels and save everything on a floppy disk.  Well, about 4 MB of data, anyway.

I own a typewriter. Still.

So what would I do, if there were no computers?

The same thing I did before there were computers.  I would live less vicariously, see my friends and family more often, get more fresh air. I’d really miss the humorous Meme’s and talking regularly with family in Wales with no International calling fees… Genealogy research would be a lot more difficult and spendy, I would definitely miss the ease that Ancestry and Family Search has provided with digitizing records.

Also, since my novels are only sold in eBook format, I’m not sure I’d be a published author anymore, so I may have to start from scratch… track down a literary agent and pay more of my royalties to a traditional print house.  That wouldn’t be very ideal, but it could happen, and that’s the point…

Things might be less convenient, but Life could and would still happen without computers, tablets, cellphones, etc.  It was happening 20 years ago without them and strangely, the world did not end because our BFF couldn’t get a hold of us to tell us about what she’d overhead that girl from Chem saying about the guy we were crushing on right away in a text, snapchat, KIK or Tweet.. she called my house phone and left a message on my answering machine to call her back ASAP – which was HOURS later – and we survived.  True story.

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Greedy Little Bastard

 

That’s what you’ve reduced me to

I’m gobbling up days, hoarding time

I’m closed off in my cave, Do Not Disturb

No calls, Caffeine Drip

I’m inching closer to the escape hatch

One critically constructed convergence at a time

You can’t keep me, but I’ve got you chained to the screen

It’s not you, and it sure in the hell ain’t me…

It’s that two-bit floozy I call my muse

The moment you’re revealed, she’s long gone

So, there will be no previews, no teasers, no seedy peep shows

You’ll sit there and gimme all you got

Until the binds of Avarice have come undone

And that fickle hussy’s on the run.

#amwriting

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Mind-Fracking

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Is it morphing or word-inventification?

Perhaps a year has passed since I responded to a Daily Prompt, but this one got me thinking.  The WP Guru’s want us to morph a common word into something new (in other words, add another slang word to the Urban Dictionary).  I get the process and as a writer, creating new slang can be so much fun, it’s downright distracting.  I’ve also seen it while reading the SciFi/Futuristic genres.  J.D. Robb (aka Nora Roberts) has characters that use “Frosty” or “Frosted” or “Iced” instead of plain ol’ “cool.”

While I was working at this place (yeah, that place) during a rare snowy winter for this area, I entered the building with red-tipped everything, my teeth chattering so hard that when my coworker asked the ridiculous question if it was cold outside, I couldn’t get the word “freezing” out of my mouth, so opted for “frigid.” It’s shorter.  In here lies the problem with creating new slang… my coworker just happened to be English and apparently, while not exclusively British slang, there is only one use for the word “frigid” in the UK.  She gasped at me like I’d shouted something not as politically correct as PENIS, then with red cheeks informed me that Frigid is a girl who’s like a cold fish in bed (yes, that kind of “in bed”).  That’s it, end of story, no exceptions.  I refrained from pointing out that we weren’t in the UK when I chattered the word through very frigid teeth and gums.

On top of potentially morphing a word that has already been reassigned various meanings in countless foreign lands, I personally enjoy the creative process of just making shit up – or at least using combos never heard before within my personal realm.  So, in answer (at long last) to today’s prompt: I nominate Mind-Fracking.  More likely word-inventification than morphing, unless you take into consideration that it morphs two words into one fabulous replacement for Gobsmacked, Mind-F*cked or Flabbergasted.

But which kind of Fracking, you ask?   Frack (Frak) as in the profanity replacement for F*ck made most famous in shows like Battlestar Galactica, Babylon 5 & Eureka (Fargo’s fave) – don’t judge me, I’m totally that geeky girl – OR – Fracking, as in “hydraulic fracturing” used during oil drilling?

D) All of the above.  Either way works, because when you’re that über “MIND-FRACKED” it feels like your hamster wheel’s been pulverized by something that drills a hole first before releasing potentially dangerous, pressurized liquid into it.

Happy TGIF!

My Review ♥ Dying For A Living by: Kory M. Shrum!

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BLURB

On the morning before her 67th death, it is business as usual for Jesse Sullivan: meet with the mortician, counsel soon-to-be-dead clients, and have coffee while reading the latest regeneration theory. Jesse dies for a living, literally. As a Necronite, she is one of the population’s rare 2% who can serve as a death replacement agent, dying so others don’t have to. Although each death is different, the result is the same: a life is saved, and Jesse resurrects days later with sore muscles, new scars, and another hole in her memory.

But when Jesse is murdered and becomes the sole suspect in a federal investigation, more than her freedom and sanity are at stake. She must catch the killer herself—or die trying.

My Review

Originally posted on Goodreads May 7, 2015

Title: Dying For A Living
Series: Jesse Sullivan Series
Author: Kory M. Shrum
Genre: Paranormal/Futuristic/Mystery with some Romantic elements & a whole lot of Snark!
Rating: 4 ‘s

I was offered the chance to read this book for free by the wonderful author, herself, Kory M. Shrum, so the least I could do was give it a rave review!

I finished this book in less than 2 days, because I couldn’t put it down. It’s far too action-packed to ignore and like the main protagonist, I really wanted to know the answers. The entire concept of the storyline was new, which was intriguing enough, but the author went a step above and gave it raw edges of realism packed with a lot of humor.

Jesse Sullivan is the main protagonist, a Necronite (don’t call her a zombie) who has no brain-to-mouth filter, whatsoever! Often times, that made for some pretty hilarious dialogue. I loathe First Person POV, I just need to state that. It tends to keep the main character in a perpetual state of immaturity that aggravates me to no end, which is why I feel it should be reserved only for YA. That did prove true in some areas of this book. There were a few scenes that turned me off to the woman who’s head I was stuck inside of, and made me want to reach into the pages and smack some sense into her. The bright side, was that it seemed to be purposely done, rather than an unfortunate byproduct and I got to see some maturity taking hold as the story progressed. It also allowed me to discover things at the same time as Jesse, which is probably why that POV was chosen. It definitely kept the suspense level at an all-time high.

The love triangle between Jesse, Ally and Lane is captivating, as well, adding a nice balance to all of the action. It reminds me a little of Lost Girl, and how a heart really can be torn in two different directions while the emotions remain sincere, rather than forced or tainted. It will be interesting to see how that progresses in the rest of the series. The mystery surrounding Gabriel has truly got me hooked. The deliberate shroud of the unknown the author kept him in throughout the story, only allowing small glimpses, was very clever and effective bait.

All in all, the combination of a fresh, new kind of science fiction, familiar supernatural elements and blatant realism was very alluring. Add to that the blunt, descriptive dialogue that edged the genre of erotica without actually jumping the line makes pinning Dying For A Living down into any one category impossible. It’s an experience that I would recommend to anyone who enjoys fast-paced action, a not-so-perfect heroine, a lot of snarky comebacks, a genuine cast of supporting characters and endless suspense that makes you want to rush out and buy the second book.

And I’d like to thank the author, Kory, for the opportunity to read it!

AMAZON GOODREADS

The Kindle & Audible version for this book is FREE right now on Amazon (follow link above). This is a Free & Honest review, I was not paid anything from the author for it, not even an ARC – at the time I reviewed it, the book was free on Amazon.

Looking Forward

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I think that says it all, but don’t panic, I got this.

So it’s 2016 and rather than recapping all that didn’t happen last year, I’ve decided to focus solely on what is scheduled, or is at least a possibility of happening over the next 12 months… For starters: BOOKS!!!

I know, it’s been over a year since The Zen Lounge was published, but even though it doesn’t seem like I’ve been doing anything constructive, I really and truly have been writing like crazy.  Promise.

First up on the 2016 roster from my publisher is:

EUPHORIA  

Cannot wait for the cover reveal!!!  My very first strictly BDSM novel that features a full range of characters, covering POV’s from experienced Doms and subs, switches (called Neutrals), newbie subs and just a whole lot of wickedly sexy MF/MM/FF/FMF/Menage fun.  Oh and of course, there’s a plot in there somewhere…

Our possible 2016 appearances from my publisher are:

HEARTHSTONE ALPHA

As you can probably guess from the title, it’s a Paranormal Erotic Romance that has to do with – No, they are not werewolves, you watch your mouth.  They’re Ulfrinn, Odin’s wolves.  This is the first book in the series and also introduces plenty of other supernatural beings from Greek and Norse mythology – but don’t worry, it all takes place in modern times.  No time-travel whiplash here.

LITTLE QUEEN

Second book to the Ulfrinn series, but the last with the same two main protagonists.  Hey, the rest of the pack gets their chance in the cross-hairs spotlight, too, you know.

DARK DUPLICITY

Yes, the beginning of another Paranormal/Supernatural Erotic Romance series with some mild BDSM elements.  Unlike the Ulfrinn series, this one deals with notorious historical villains, literary legends and of course, my favorite: Fallen Angels, Demons and a parallel universe.  Just go with it, it’s fun.

In the meantime, I’m not only working on the next installments for those series, but I’m trying my hand at some Indie projects.  I’m hoping to get at least one of them out before 2017!  I’ll keep you posted.  Oh, and I’m completely bored with my blog design again, so that will most likely be changing again this year.

Also, look for many more book reviews from yours truly, I’ve been strictly posting them to Goodreads & Amazon, (don’t ask me why) so I’ll be bringing the old ones over and sharing new ones here, as well – and that leads me to my final message of the night…

A toast to all the awesomesauce readers for 2016: Here’s hoping your TBR list totally gets its ass spanked.  😉